My far away soulmate

First off let me just say this: I miss you.

I miss you no matter if you and I just parted ways at the airport or you just pulled out of my drive way.  I know that we will see each other but never know when our next time will see each face to face.   I miss you so much, and the bittersweet nostalgia is so strong I can almost taste it. There are days when the longing that I feel for you and our friendship is a heavy and unshakable ache.

Like a scene out of beaches you came to me when I needed you the most. I was so sick and in three days you were here at my bedside and to make me know that I was okay and you weren't going anywhere. You even left  that little baby of ours at home states away so that you could just be here a 100% for me.  That was the worst time to have to say goodbye to you.  I think we must have both cried deep in our guts with the sobs.  I could close my eyes as I cried and could hear miles away in my mind and heart that you were crying and heartbroken like me.

Through the years, we have grown to accept the current reality of our friendship, the reality that it will likely remain for the foreseeable future. Texts, emails, Facebook messages and occasional phone calls are our modes of communication. For the most part I think I have come to terms that this is what we are doing now..I'm almost use to it.  Missing milestones in our lives, the birth of our boys, weddings, deaths, divorce, moving... so many little things that make a big impact on out lives apart.

New friendships,  even really close friendships, with, other mom friends, friends that we meet at church or playdates, work and through connections. There are many friendships that are formed, through constant interactions, at the gym, school car pool, work, over coffee. wine and painting nights... I am grateful for these new friends, other friends and even some of my very best friends. We need them to fill the open and empty space that the void is with out you here. We need them to feel a little less lonely. But these new friends aren’t and never will be you.

We get together when we can which  of course is never often enough. When we do we catch up on families and jobs and the daily goings-on in our lives. We talk about the ways that our lives are so different from back in the day and the ways we have changed so much. Talking about the collage years for you and the underground adventures.  We spend hours reminiscing, about trips and vacations we have gone on together. Laughing until tears roll down our cheeks and we come dangerously close to peeing our pants, Okay. Okay. I have peed my pants and snorted Diet coke all over the place many times as you keep your cool.  We talk about hard things like cancer and possible death, marriage struggles and aging parents, the fear and the reality of loosing our grandparents. The conversations made easier by the open heart of what we are to each other.

You are my person.

You are my very best, soulmate and in every way my sister. You are the boys auntie and I am Q's.  We are so blessed that in a life time with a child hood where we hated eachother. I made it very clear how I felt for you when I tried to drowned you....we were forced by two sisters that were the very best of friends for us to hang out.  I will always be grateful for our grandmas for doing that. After a day in Seattle we were sisters. I love you Amy. You are  my sister the one I can call while driving in the car after I left my husband with two babies sobbing with the ugly cry face... You are always my shelter in the storm. The one person no matter how fucked up I can be you love me.  The peace of mind that if anything happened to me, you wouldn't let the boys forget me or go to anyone but you and B. 

What I am trying to say is I love you.