To the person who loves someone with anxiety,
You might have heard that she has anxiety. You might have been holding her hands while the tears steam down her face. Seeing her get angry and explode because she's overwhelmed. You might have even seen her sit so quietly staring into the distance with a panic in her eye, tears running down her cheeks.
She might have told you, but either way there are things you probably should know. Anxiety isn't a one size fits all, it isn't consistent and it isn't always easy to tell. You might think she's not enjoying herself when you go out and it's your fault, but it's not. It's anxiety.
You know how she can't understand when she asks you what are you thinking, why you would respond with "nothing"... it's because she never thinks nothing. Her thoughts are like a bad movie that she has on replay over and over. It's exhausting for her. It's why she's tired all the time.
There isn't a day that goes by where she doesn't think. Over thinking is just how her brain works. The fact that she makes fun of herself and that fact that she knows that she over thinks is something she is trying to never show. Always thinking about everything, over thinking and usually it is the worst case scenario that consumes her thoughts. She worries that something will go wrong. That some days if she leaves the house, something will happen.
Death of her loved ones, someone hurting her children, Saying goodbye even for just the day, causes her Anxiety and she counts down the minutes until she is back with you.
As she lets her babies go on a ride to school on a bus. People might think she is a "Type A" a control freak. It is why she can't just leave the house some days or, moms night outs sounds so fun until that day of the night out. Even though she might have even suggested it with good intentions. But it's not so easy. That's why when she's home alone or out by herself she will text you a million times, telling you her every move or telling you everything that's going wrong, she knows you can't change anything, she knows you feel helpless, but so does she, that's why she needs to share it with you, otherwise her head will explode and she will panic.
Death of her loved ones, someone hurting her children, Saying goodbye even for just the day, causes her Anxiety and she counts down the minutes until she is back with you.
As she lets her babies go on a ride to school on a bus. People might think she is a "Type A" a control freak. It is why she can't just leave the house some days or, moms night outs sounds so fun until that day of the night out. Even though she might have even suggested it with good intentions. But it's not so easy. That's why when she's home alone or out by herself she will text you a million times, telling you her every move or telling you everything that's going wrong, she knows you can't change anything, she knows you feel helpless, but so does she, that's why she needs to share it with you, otherwise her head will explode and she will panic.
Sometimes she wonders why you're with her, and if you knew she had anxiety would you still be there, do you regret it? Being with her? Do you wish you were with someone else that didn't have this vice around their neck? Do you wish she wasn't holding you down. The guilt about stealing your life and your happy moments, all the while she just wishes she could do anything
She wants you to know she see's that this is tough on you, tough to see your loved one hurt, tough on you, But don't think for a second she doesn't see you.
You are able to help her. You can see what gets too much for her, the crowds of people or bed time, dinner time, see it and help her by holding her hand and tell her you're with her. Do it with her, take over, tell her to sit down for a while and breathe.
Encourage her to take it slowly. Too much is overwhelming for her, even though she has good intentions. Don't make her feel bad for her to stay in bed or shut in the house. Tell her it's okay. If you are married and have children, take the kids out for some play when you see her struggling, encourage her to take time out for herself. If the kids are awake all night and she's worse if she has less sleep, get up with her, take over. Tell her to go back to bed. I am sure that most married moms need this. For you to have her back and ready to jump in and tackle any situation that gets thrown at both of you.
Sometimes the answer won't be so obvious. Sometimes she won't even know the answer is to what she needs, but so long as your patient with her, she will feel your love. Feeling love is that best medicine that she can have. Love her with all you have and all you have inside of you.
She or you won't benefit if you get frustrated, it'll just escalate and make both of you miserable. She doesn't want her anxiety to define your relationship and when you are patient, you're telling her you're willing to do the same. She will be patient and work hard on this relationship, she will work it as hard as anyone else you know.
She or you won't benefit if you get frustrated, it'll just escalate and make both of you miserable. She doesn't want her anxiety to define your relationship and when you are patient, you're telling her you're willing to do the same. She will be patient and work hard on this relationship, she will work it as hard as anyone else you know.
Anxiety is heartbreaking for her. Really it is. She wishes she could just feel free. The free feeling of just being carefree and not a prisoner to this ugly illness. Free of the voice that follows her listing all her insecurities. Free of the ideas of falling softly but in the back of her mind she contemplates suicide. Like jumping of the San Fransisco bridge. I am sure she has it all planned down to the last detail. It is what I can her plan B.
She appreciates you, she loves you. She's vulnerable and scared. But she chose you to share her biggest deepest scar tissue that resides in her heart, and she knew the day she met you that you were the one worthy enough to see her in all her imperfections.
She will love you with that whole heart, and you know she will because she's already shown you. To let you in on her dirty little secret you have achieved more then most. She told you her secret. Just as you are by her side she will be fiercely loyal to yours. Forever and ever, you just to need take her hand and tell her, "I am with you"
She will love you with that whole heart, and you know she will because she's already shown you. To let you in on her dirty little secret you have achieved more then most. She told you her secret. Just as you are by her side she will be fiercely loyal to yours. Forever and ever, you just to need take her hand and tell her, "I am with you"
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